a dose of reality

don't get me wrong. i really do truly believe in the law of attraction and the power of the university.

it's just that sometimes when i read what i write on here i want to throw up a little in my mouth.

i don't know how i became this touchy-feely feel good positive thinker, because it sure isn't all the time. there are times when i read what i wrote and wonder who actually wrote it...

it takes a lot of work and conscious effort for me to stay positive. so many clients have said "this stuff must come so easy for you."

*shifty eyes* haha, yeah....surrrre. but really, i'm just tryin' to figure this shiz out like everyone else.

i'm a good faker. i really have to work at it. i'd venture that a lot of us (therapists or not) really have a hard time practicing what we preach. i may have just blown every therapist's cover, but really? let's get real. as humans (living in the US) we're trained to be negative. even if it doesn't come from immediate family, it comes from somewhere else. it's so easy to fall into that trap. i do almost daily.

this negativity and skepticism mostly comes out in my thoughts and feelings. i'm not actually mean to people. not intentionally, anyways. how sad is it that it's become second nature? back to the committed effort, where i have to remind myself that not everyone is out to get me and that most people are basically good and are just doing the best that they can with what they have.

blah blah blah. sometimes i want to kick my own bum for spewing the "therapeutic" rhetoric that we're all so used to hearing. sometimes it sounds so empty.

stay positive.

be positive.

feel positive.

gag me.

i want to tell people to take their positivity and shove it. i want to roll my eyes and tell the person in front of me that i'm full of crap and not to listen to a word that i'm saying. i wouldn't. in their heads they're probably thinking, "really? just be positive? thank you so much for that brand new information, i can't believe i didn't think of that before. this must be why they pay you the big bucks!" then i imagine that they are thinking about punching me in the face. which is what i want to do when someone tells me something i already know. *

in spite of the irritation, my training tells me that this stuff works. i have seen it. as hokey and feel-goody as it sounds, it really does. but sometimes i'm completely offended by it's simplicity.

feel good now?

done and done.

yeah, i'll get right on that.

i suppose there must be some balance between the two. feel whatever you're feeling and move forward. perhaps what the university should say is be honest, but don't dwell. i certainly don't posses the ability (nor the desire) to be happy all the time. that isn't real. those who tell you that they're happy all the time are lying. i do think someone can feel happy throughout every day, but i really don't think that it's constant. even at my saddest i can find joy. at my happiest, i can feel disappointment.**

what would i tell a client? i would say that sometimes things suck and that there's nothing wrong with that. just because we don't feel good doesn't necessarily mean that something is wrong. if something has happened (death, divorce, assault, other kinds of trauma), then you will deal with it in time. all that jazz (this is the short short version, but you get the idea).

feelings. yeah, i hate those buggers as much as the next person but they will pass. nothing, good or bad, is permanent.

obviously, simple does not equate easy. i really wish it did.


*i just want you all to know that when i give advice, i know how it can sound. believe me, i'm irritated too.

**if you are happy all the time, please tell me what medication you're on....