1. Most problems can be linked back to the belief that one is never "good enough."
2. Most people have a need to be in control, but not the real kind. The kind that is an illusion.
3. Most people need to be right and prove to others that they are right and make people agree with them.
Today, my update from the don said this: Respect each other's dream. In a relationship, there are two dreamers with two different dreams. You need to accept the differences that exist between two dreamers; you need to respect each other's dream. -don Miguel Ruiz
Have you ever met someone who cannot "agree to disagree"? This is often a hard thing for me to do. I, like everyone else on the planet, have clear ideas on right and wrong, good and bad, and often think people are
Does anyone else do that?
Did anyone notice that he did not say "agree"? Just to accept and respect. What a concept.
The dream that the don is speaking of, is the experience that we each have as humans. It's our perspective. It's a combination of our personality traits, along with what we're taught as children. Our basic human training.
I wish that this idea was presented to people at an earlier age. Kind of a "hey kids, did you know that you're going to meet a lot of different people in your life? They may do some weird things but that doesn't make them wrong, it just makes them different. What do you think you could learn from someone who is different from you?"
I can't tell you how many little kids I've worked with who thought that drinking alcohol made you a bad person. Yet, here they are in therapy because they were sexually abused. Go figure. Different "dreams". Different realities. I've had clients who thought it was okay to take things that aren't theirs. Does that make it wrong? According to the law, yes. According to the person who is doing what they know, not so much. It's amazing how much understanding you can find in behavior if you just let the person tell you what they know to be true for them. Whether or not I'm able to listen with non-judgement is the trick. Sometimes I can, other times....these things are really hard to listen to.
But finding that understanding takes way less energy than judging the person.
After all, I don't have to live their life. Just my own. Which, is what the title of this post is referring to. What a relief to know that I am only responsible for myself, my thoughts, my feelings, and my behaviors.
Being responsible for everyone is exhausting. And really really unnecessary.