Ain't it the truth?

Have you ever had those experiences where had you just had the time, you could have thought of a really thoughtful and profound description of what is going on? An observation so poignant that the person you're speaking to lights up because they GET IT??

Me neither. I have to wait for a quote to pop up that eloquently says what I should have said.

Recently, the ideas of processes vs. events keep coming up in my discussions. Processing feelings, processing situations, and all those things that we wish would happen once and then we'd be done with them. Like, I wish that once I've cleaned my tub that it should stay clean forever.  I wish that I had gone through all 5 stages of grief and now I never have to be sad about that again.

Right? 

Oh, that's not how it works?  But that's how I think that it should work. It still doesn't?

Crap.

When it comes to matters of the heart, we commemorate with events.  Weddings, funerals, anniversaries, dinners out, presents, and what have you.  But you're celebrating a process.  Marriage, dying, birthdays, milestones.

Which brings me to today and thinking about all the troubles people in my life are having. And then I get this: 

A relationship can be a pressure cooker for communication problems because couples have a tendency to rest on their commitment, rather than invest in each other daily. -Mama Gena.

Whoa....she literally just blew my mind. I thought, "that was exactly what I was trying to say the other day when that person had that problem and they wanted it to be over and it never will be and this is why." 

I'm not married.  But I have relationships.  I have friends, family, and coworkers.  I participate in relationships all the time.  I've recently had the experience at work where I had to think about my response to a request that isn't my job. It went a little something like this.

"But that's not my job."

Well sure, if I go back to my job description (my commitment to my employer) and take a look at it, that thing isn't in there.  But if I recognise that I'm trying to help a client (and I'm invested in this relationship today), then it's in the best interest of myself AND this client for me to do what is asked of me in this moment.

See? Mind blowing.

In romantic relationships, I often hear people say, "haven't we already dealt with this?" Or "I can't believe this is coming up again." But what people don't see is that while the instigating event has come and gone (and may not even have a solution) the feelings surrounding the event will come up over and over again.

Even if you've "dealt" with it.  It's important to be aware when this happens that you're not dealing with the "problem".  You're having a feeling or your partner is having a feeling.  And feelings don't need to be fixed.  They just need to be felt so they can be released. We just don't like to feel badly so we pretend we're mad at something else to pull us out of that bad feeling.

What would happen if we all started processing our feelings rather than focusing on what has 'happened'?

One can only dream....