the four agreements

the idea of the university is not a new one. anyone who uses the power of positive thinking (isn't that a book?) uses the university and this other thing called the law of attraction, which basically states that 'like attracts like.'

pretty simple concept. but as always, simple does not equate easy.

there are several books out there that i love that help people take back their personal power and use it to create something different in their lives. my favorite is "the four agreements" by don miguel ruiz. i love love love love love this book. LOVE it. it talks about four fundamental ideas that can help free us from negative beliefs that we have about ourselves and the world around us. if we believe that the law of attraction really works, then our negative thoughts have helped us create whatever negative situation that we are facing.

that's a tough pill to swallow for most people. people, myself included, like to think that the bad things in our lives happen TO us. of course, the good stuff i'll take credit for. but the bad? that's just bad luck. misfortune. someone else chose to hurt us.

not true friends. i know, i hate this too. i'd much rather blame the ex boyfriend or the stupid job for my crappy life. but it just isn't so. i wasn't so pleased when i realized that i was completely responsible for my life. the good AND the bad. is that really that difficult of a concept? i'd venture that for most people it is.

example: a few years back, i had a client who decided it would be a good idea to start a relationship with his best friend's girlfriend. this client then got upset when this relationship didn't work out and this woman chose her boyfriend over my client.
because duh. if you think something is going to end, it's going to end. obviously, this was a belief he held, and he used what happened to affirm that he was not good enough and unworthy of love.

other common negative agreements that i hear all the time (and sometimes still have myself) are: i'll never be good enough. life is hard. i can't do anything right. people always let me down. i can't do this or that.

the four agreements are rules that help us redefine our expectations or beliefs we hold about ourselves. turning those negatives into positives: i'm worthwhile. things are easy for me. people come through for me. i can do whatever i want to.

you get the idea.

the four agreements are as follows:

be impeccable with your word. tell the truth! be honest with yourself and with others. duh. i say duh a lot. sorry. not really....

don't take anything personally. let me tell you, when i first read this i thought this guy was nuts. how can some things not be personal? if someone chooses to break into my house, how can i not take that personally? well, because i didn't make him do anything. i don't make anyone hurt me. i don't make anyone treat me well. no one does anything because of me. when i fully understood the concept, i was relieved. that means i'm only responsible for my own behavior, my own thoughts, and my own feelings. the difficult part is that now, no one else is responsible for how i think, feel, or act. no more "you make me so angry!" no more "the devil made me do it." that ship has sailed.

don't make assumptions. always always get more information. get the whole story. there is an expert from the book "loving what is" by byron katie that describes this perfectly. she tells a story about how he goes into the bathroom and sees a woman singing to herself at the sink. she thinks that this lady has a lovely singing voice. she then goes into the stall and sees that the toilet seat is wet. in an instant, her mind is racing until she has come up with this long story about how this singing woman is really a transvestite who has peed on the seat on purpose. she then flushes the toilet and sees that water is sprayed up onto the seat. what would have happened if she had accosted that woman for urinating all over the stall? she didn't have all the information. but we do allow our brains to run wild and the next thing we know, we've attacked someone for something that may or may not have even happened.

always do your best. ummm....just always do your best, with the understanding that your best is going to change moment to moment. i had great parents who understood this very well. my brother and sister and i are all very good at very different things. i consider myself to be the musical one, not so much the intellectual. so when i brought home b's and c's in school, that was great! because i was doing my best. i don't know what would have happened if i had brought home a d. but because i didn't feel pressured to be perfect, i was content with focusing on singing, rather than academics. and i chose to be an okay student. knowing myself, had i had all that pressure, i would have flipped them off and called it a day. but at any given time, whether it was a's or c's, my parents knew that that was what i was capable of at that moment. that doesn't mean there wasn't room for improvement. what it meant was that i was free to be me. and straight a's just wasn't my style. ask anyone who knows me, school was NOT my thing until i was in college. i'm still a little surprised they let me into college sometimes. but i was lucky to choose a field that looked at the entire student and not just your transcripts. a 3.2 average was good enough, because i was super awesome in real life. :)

there is a 5th agreement, but i have yet to read the book. i do remember that it's about learning to listen and to question everything. figure things out for yourself. which, i happen to think is a very good idea for just about every situation.

i think everyone should read this book. so get going!