i CAN therapatize myself!

People often expect the other person to respond first in a positive way, instead of taking the initiative to create that possibility. I feel that's wrong; it can act as a barrier that just promotes a feeling of isolation from others. To overcome feelings of isolation and loneliness, your underlying attitude makes a tremendous difference – approaching others with the thought of  compassion in your mind is the best way.  - Dalai Lama

so wise he is.

i like talking like yoda.

having expectations of our loved ones is something we all do. if i tell my mom that i'm having a bad day, i expect that she take care of me.

but what about those other things that are hard to talk about?

did i mention that i'm a therapist that often struggles with being emotionally honest with those around her?  i am. it's really difficult.  for a few reasons:

1. i feel i should know the answer already.
2. i don't like getting told what to do. i have had a few experiences where i try to be open and honest about what is going on with me, and the person i'm telling stops listening to me and starts telling that i don't need to be feeling that way and what i should do to fix it. 
3. i don't like hearing that i shouldn't feel a certain way because "so and so" has it soooo much worse that me. "just be grateful you're not me....her....that other person who's having a problem of some kind."

#3 happens to be my biggest pet peeve ever.  it's the easiest way to shut me down. so now you know the secret if you ever want me to shut up. hehe.

#2 and #3 really are the result of love. the people in my life feel bad when i feel bad and want that to stop. it's a natural thing.

i'm completely guilty of all three of these things. i've done them, i try not to. but we're talking about me here. :)

these past experiences have left kind of a sour taste in my mouth when it comes to expressing myself.  i now expect (see what i did there!) that whoever i'm telling will do something like this and i convince myself that it's just easier to suffer in silence. all the while, building resentment because i then feel as though no one cares about me or what's going on with me. because i won't talk about it....gah! it's a vicious cycle. 

(ps. what makes cycles vicious?  can we just call them 'unfortunate'? i'm not dying for crying out loud)

i expect people to react a certain way, and i end feeling disappointed because that's what i expected in the first place.

so what he's saying is: create a new experience. have faith in those around you. i've had several other experiences where i've been very open and have been given nothing but understanding and love.

a new thing that we all could try is finding a way to feel compassion for those who are hurting because we are. i often don't call my mom to tell her about hard times because she cries.

she cries because she loves me. but then i cry because she's crying and i'm crying right now becasue i'm thinking about her crying and my mom crying is the worst worst worst thing to experience for me.

but if we can all remember that it's all from love, then maybe crying isn't such a bad thing. as a therapist, i try to make people cry because it's real and it's very hard to deny your feelings when you're having such a significant emotional experience. maybe that's what we're trying to avoid all along.

hmm...i just had a thought. maybe people set the expectations to get out of being emotionally honest. maybe my expectation of disappointment is really about me and my fear of emotional honesty.

you know what that means? 1, 2, AND 3 are cop-outs.

i just blew your mind, i know.