i heart this guy

Dalai Lama

Even our physical structure seems more suited to feelings of love and compassion. We can see how a calm, affectionate, wholesome state of mind benefits our health and physical well-being. Conversely, the feelings of frustration, fear, agitation, and anger can be destructive to our health.  This is why we are impelled to seek happiness.

first off, i had to look up the word 'impelled'.  got that now.

it's no secret that this guy's a favorite of mine. look at his happy face!

i mean really folks.  i don't care what you believe in, that's the happiest lil' guy i've ever seen.  and all he wants us to do if friggin' relax already and do what our bodies were meant to do. just be happy. feel content. be grateful for what we have. treat each other with kindness and respect.

i grew up thinking life was a "test".  my struggles were sent to see how i handled them and, more importantly, what i learned.  when something bad happened, i it was for my own good. i thought that life was supposed to be hard. 

i'm wondering now how much my life was hard because i thought life was supposed to be hard as opposed to what it really is: an experience.  

i made a lot of things more difficult because of this belief, and i could have saved myself from a ton of grief.  hey, that rhymed.

i am not always able to do this. i complain a LOT. just ask anyone who gets long ranty emails from me in the middle of the day when i want to go postal. i still complain that life is "hard" and i'm tired of all the "tests".  but after i pull myself out of that (if i'm able to), it's so much easier to approach life this new way.

nothing is good or bad, it just is. and no matter what happens to me, i'm not the first person to go through it and i won't be the last.

man, i got off track again. he makes me think.  i try not to do that much, as it tends to make my head hurt.

back to the brilliance. i think i've talked about a book called feelings buried alive never die. this quote made me think of it. i do agree that if we don't take care of ourselves, our feelings manifest physically.

my favorite part of this idea is that human beings were not built to suffer. we were meant to be happy and calm. when we're not, we become sick.

when i feel anxious, i get sick to my stomach.  when i feel stressed out or overwhelmed, i get headaches and really tired.  i also get really tired when i'm sad.  it's like my body smacks me on the back of the head to get me to pay attention.

it doesn't always get my attention quickly and i often figure it out in hindsight, but i always come around in the end.

we'll always have those things that are out of our control. people die, we lose things that are important to us, natural disasters. but i've seen people even take these tragic things and turn them into experiences rather than perpetuating that "bad things always happen to us" attitude. 

their lives must be so much easier than mine.  hehe. :)

and just for fun, dave matthews and the dalai lama.

ahhh, that's good stuff right there peeps.

am i right or am i right?

so much angst in the world today. not that this is different from any other time...

in light of the troubles with the LDS church and the issues of homosexuality, i've found myself getting caught up in the negativity that is being spewed from both sides.

i've come to the conclusion (with the help of an excellent email conversation with one of my bff's) that this problem really isn't even about being gay or mormon. or being a gay mormon.

my observations is that it's about the need to be right.

the funny thing is, is that both sides are right. if i believe something, then it makes it true to me. so i'm right, right? if you believe something, then that makes this true for you, which in turn makes you right as well. right? if our perception is our reality, then there is no "wrong". there is just "different." there is your truth, my truth, his truth, her truth, along with the other billions of people on the planet. all are right. wrong doesn't exist.

i've fallen into that trap so many times. it's easy to do when you feel so strongly about something. it's easy to send a mean email, or leave a heated voicemail message, or stage a protest when we feel as though we're not being heard. we get offended (due to having our feelings hurt) and react rather than meeting our feelings with understanding. choosing our words and actions a little more carefully and with a touch more thoughtfulness could really alleviate some the issues of today (and yesterday. as i've also discovered, most men still believe it's 1950 and they get to call me sweetheart and stare at my chest).

takes me back to the 4 agreements.
be impeccable with your word. tell the truth and be kind about it.

don't take anything personally. nothing that is going on with others is about you.

don't make assumptions: always, ALWAYS get more information. how many times have i said something without knowing everything and then i look like an idiot? more than i care to admit....

always do your best. just keep trying.

and then the new 5th agreement, which happens to be the one i think we struggle with the most:

be skeptical of everything but learn to listen. keep in mind, that being skeptical does not mean that you don't give anything a chance. my interpretation of that is to mindful that there may be a different way of approaching an idea or a problem. and learning to listen, i think speaks for itself.

and it just so happens, that this was don miguel's quote for today, 10/7/10:
Everything I believe about myself is just a story. In my story, everything is about me, and it has to be that way because I am the center of my perception. The story is told from my point of view.~don Miguel Ruiz

what a cool statement. i see everything from my own eyes, i have no way of seeing what others see. so how presumptuous is it of me to assume that i know what others think or feel? or need for that matter? i'm especially relieved when i remember that i am only responsible for myself. along with learning to listen, this is important to remember particularly when you're dealing with those who believe differently.

with regards to the church/homosexuality debate, i certainly have my own opinions. mainly, let people enjoy their civil liberties, deal with their own "eternal salvation," and support every human in his/her own pursuit of happiness. you didn't think that you'd get through a whole post without me stating my opinion, did you? ha!

but i know that people don't agree with me. this is fine. but do we have to be so mean and hateful when expressing our beliefs/opinions? i talk for a living, i know that there are a million different ways of presenting one piece of information. i think these different points of view can exist while we all live peacefully together. not just in regards to homosexuality and religion, but with everything.

but when will people choose to do this?

you can find lots of 'feel good' stuff on don miguel ruiz's website. i highly suggest that everyone check it out. i certainly like to feel good! :)

sendin' love.

feelings buried alive never die.....

truer words were never spoken. this is a good book. you should read it. i haven't read it for a while, but seeing as my stomach has been acting up lately, i should get back to it.

the four agreements

the idea of the university is not a new one. anyone who uses the power of positive thinking (isn't that a book?) uses the university and this other thing called the law of attraction, which basically states that 'like attracts like.'

pretty simple concept. but as always, simple does not equate easy.

there are several books out there that i love that help people take back their personal power and use it to create something different in their lives. my favorite is "the four agreements" by don miguel ruiz. i love love love love love this book. LOVE it. it talks about four fundamental ideas that can help free us from negative beliefs that we have about ourselves and the world around us. if we believe that the law of attraction really works, then our negative thoughts have helped us create whatever negative situation that we are facing.

that's a tough pill to swallow for most people. people, myself included, like to think that the bad things in our lives happen TO us. of course, the good stuff i'll take credit for. but the bad? that's just bad luck. misfortune. someone else chose to hurt us.

not true friends. i know, i hate this too. i'd much rather blame the ex boyfriend or the stupid job for my crappy life. but it just isn't so. i wasn't so pleased when i realized that i was completely responsible for my life. the good AND the bad. is that really that difficult of a concept? i'd venture that for most people it is.

example: a few years back, i had a client who decided it would be a good idea to start a relationship with his best friend's girlfriend. this client then got upset when this relationship didn't work out and this woman chose her boyfriend over my client.
because duh. if you think something is going to end, it's going to end. obviously, this was a belief he held, and he used what happened to affirm that he was not good enough and unworthy of love.

other common negative agreements that i hear all the time (and sometimes still have myself) are: i'll never be good enough. life is hard. i can't do anything right. people always let me down. i can't do this or that.

the four agreements are rules that help us redefine our expectations or beliefs we hold about ourselves. turning those negatives into positives: i'm worthwhile. things are easy for me. people come through for me. i can do whatever i want to.

you get the idea.

the four agreements are as follows:

be impeccable with your word. tell the truth! be honest with yourself and with others. duh. i say duh a lot. sorry. not really....

don't take anything personally. let me tell you, when i first read this i thought this guy was nuts. how can some things not be personal? if someone chooses to break into my house, how can i not take that personally? well, because i didn't make him do anything. i don't make anyone hurt me. i don't make anyone treat me well. no one does anything because of me. when i fully understood the concept, i was relieved. that means i'm only responsible for my own behavior, my own thoughts, and my own feelings. the difficult part is that now, no one else is responsible for how i think, feel, or act. no more "you make me so angry!" no more "the devil made me do it." that ship has sailed.

don't make assumptions. always always get more information. get the whole story. there is an expert from the book "loving what is" by byron katie that describes this perfectly. she tells a story about how he goes into the bathroom and sees a woman singing to herself at the sink. she thinks that this lady has a lovely singing voice. she then goes into the stall and sees that the toilet seat is wet. in an instant, her mind is racing until she has come up with this long story about how this singing woman is really a transvestite who has peed on the seat on purpose. she then flushes the toilet and sees that water is sprayed up onto the seat. what would have happened if she had accosted that woman for urinating all over the stall? she didn't have all the information. but we do allow our brains to run wild and the next thing we know, we've attacked someone for something that may or may not have even happened.

always do your best. ummm....just always do your best, with the understanding that your best is going to change moment to moment. i had great parents who understood this very well. my brother and sister and i are all very good at very different things. i consider myself to be the musical one, not so much the intellectual. so when i brought home b's and c's in school, that was great! because i was doing my best. i don't know what would have happened if i had brought home a d. but because i didn't feel pressured to be perfect, i was content with focusing on singing, rather than academics. and i chose to be an okay student. knowing myself, had i had all that pressure, i would have flipped them off and called it a day. but at any given time, whether it was a's or c's, my parents knew that that was what i was capable of at that moment. that doesn't mean there wasn't room for improvement. what it meant was that i was free to be me. and straight a's just wasn't my style. ask anyone who knows me, school was NOT my thing until i was in college. i'm still a little surprised they let me into college sometimes. but i was lucky to choose a field that looked at the entire student and not just your transcripts. a 3.2 average was good enough, because i was super awesome in real life. :)

there is a 5th agreement, but i have yet to read the book. i do remember that it's about learning to listen and to question everything. figure things out for yourself. which, i happen to think is a very good idea for just about every situation.

i think everyone should read this book. so get going!