a dose of reality

don't get me wrong. i really do truly believe in the law of attraction and the power of the university.

it's just that sometimes when i read what i write on here i want to throw up a little in my mouth.

i don't know how i became this touchy-feely feel good positive thinker, because it sure isn't all the time. there are times when i read what i wrote and wonder who actually wrote it...

it takes a lot of work and conscious effort for me to stay positive. so many clients have said "this stuff must come so easy for you."

*shifty eyes* haha, yeah....surrrre. but really, i'm just tryin' to figure this shiz out like everyone else.

i'm a good faker. i really have to work at it. i'd venture that a lot of us (therapists or not) really have a hard time practicing what we preach. i may have just blown every therapist's cover, but really? let's get real. as humans (living in the US) we're trained to be negative. even if it doesn't come from immediate family, it comes from somewhere else. it's so easy to fall into that trap. i do almost daily.

this negativity and skepticism mostly comes out in my thoughts and feelings. i'm not actually mean to people. not intentionally, anyways. how sad is it that it's become second nature? back to the committed effort, where i have to remind myself that not everyone is out to get me and that most people are basically good and are just doing the best that they can with what they have.

blah blah blah. sometimes i want to kick my own bum for spewing the "therapeutic" rhetoric that we're all so used to hearing. sometimes it sounds so empty.

stay positive.

be positive.

feel positive.

gag me.

i want to tell people to take their positivity and shove it. i want to roll my eyes and tell the person in front of me that i'm full of crap and not to listen to a word that i'm saying. i wouldn't. in their heads they're probably thinking, "really? just be positive? thank you so much for that brand new information, i can't believe i didn't think of that before. this must be why they pay you the big bucks!" then i imagine that they are thinking about punching me in the face. which is what i want to do when someone tells me something i already know. *

in spite of the irritation, my training tells me that this stuff works. i have seen it. as hokey and feel-goody as it sounds, it really does. but sometimes i'm completely offended by it's simplicity.

feel good now?

done and done.

yeah, i'll get right on that.

i suppose there must be some balance between the two. feel whatever you're feeling and move forward. perhaps what the university should say is be honest, but don't dwell. i certainly don't posses the ability (nor the desire) to be happy all the time. that isn't real. those who tell you that they're happy all the time are lying. i do think someone can feel happy throughout every day, but i really don't think that it's constant. even at my saddest i can find joy. at my happiest, i can feel disappointment.**

what would i tell a client? i would say that sometimes things suck and that there's nothing wrong with that. just because we don't feel good doesn't necessarily mean that something is wrong. if something has happened (death, divorce, assault, other kinds of trauma), then you will deal with it in time. all that jazz (this is the short short version, but you get the idea).

feelings. yeah, i hate those buggers as much as the next person but they will pass. nothing, good or bad, is permanent.

obviously, simple does not equate easy. i really wish it did.


*i just want you all to know that when i give advice, i know how it can sound. believe me, i'm irritated too.

**if you are happy all the time, please tell me what medication you're on....

It's difficult to try to be what you are not. Being what you are doesn't require any effort. When you become wise, you accept yourself the way you are, and the complete acceptance of yourself becomes the complete acceptance of everyone else. ~ don Miguel Ruiz

Peru: The Dream of The Condor Sacred Valley Nov 22~Nov 29, 2010

such a simple concept. one that has always been true. but if you were raised like i was, to strive to "be better" it's easy to get caught up with the things you seemingly do or do not have.

how many of those things are even real?

my favorite part of this idea is the part that suggests that being yourself takes no effort. because really, do we have a choice? sure we put on different masks, play different roles, but it's always me at the end of the day. who else better to play me than me?

i'm just sayin'.

dear university,

thank you for keeping my friends and family safe.

love,
kami

dear university,

thank you so much for the extra income this month! it was more than enough to take care of a few things. keep it comin'!!!

love,
kami

dear university,

comfort everyone who is having a hard time. yes, you heard me, EVERYONE. that is all. over and out. 10-4.

feelings buried alive never die.....

truer words were never spoken. this is a good book. you should read it. i haven't read it for a while, but seeing as my stomach has been acting up lately, i should get back to it.

the four agreements

the idea of the university is not a new one. anyone who uses the power of positive thinking (isn't that a book?) uses the university and this other thing called the law of attraction, which basically states that 'like attracts like.'

pretty simple concept. but as always, simple does not equate easy.

there are several books out there that i love that help people take back their personal power and use it to create something different in their lives. my favorite is "the four agreements" by don miguel ruiz. i love love love love love this book. LOVE it. it talks about four fundamental ideas that can help free us from negative beliefs that we have about ourselves and the world around us. if we believe that the law of attraction really works, then our negative thoughts have helped us create whatever negative situation that we are facing.

that's a tough pill to swallow for most people. people, myself included, like to think that the bad things in our lives happen TO us. of course, the good stuff i'll take credit for. but the bad? that's just bad luck. misfortune. someone else chose to hurt us.

not true friends. i know, i hate this too. i'd much rather blame the ex boyfriend or the stupid job for my crappy life. but it just isn't so. i wasn't so pleased when i realized that i was completely responsible for my life. the good AND the bad. is that really that difficult of a concept? i'd venture that for most people it is.

example: a few years back, i had a client who decided it would be a good idea to start a relationship with his best friend's girlfriend. this client then got upset when this relationship didn't work out and this woman chose her boyfriend over my client.
because duh. if you think something is going to end, it's going to end. obviously, this was a belief he held, and he used what happened to affirm that he was not good enough and unworthy of love.

other common negative agreements that i hear all the time (and sometimes still have myself) are: i'll never be good enough. life is hard. i can't do anything right. people always let me down. i can't do this or that.

the four agreements are rules that help us redefine our expectations or beliefs we hold about ourselves. turning those negatives into positives: i'm worthwhile. things are easy for me. people come through for me. i can do whatever i want to.

you get the idea.

the four agreements are as follows:

be impeccable with your word. tell the truth! be honest with yourself and with others. duh. i say duh a lot. sorry. not really....

don't take anything personally. let me tell you, when i first read this i thought this guy was nuts. how can some things not be personal? if someone chooses to break into my house, how can i not take that personally? well, because i didn't make him do anything. i don't make anyone hurt me. i don't make anyone treat me well. no one does anything because of me. when i fully understood the concept, i was relieved. that means i'm only responsible for my own behavior, my own thoughts, and my own feelings. the difficult part is that now, no one else is responsible for how i think, feel, or act. no more "you make me so angry!" no more "the devil made me do it." that ship has sailed.

don't make assumptions. always always get more information. get the whole story. there is an expert from the book "loving what is" by byron katie that describes this perfectly. she tells a story about how he goes into the bathroom and sees a woman singing to herself at the sink. she thinks that this lady has a lovely singing voice. she then goes into the stall and sees that the toilet seat is wet. in an instant, her mind is racing until she has come up with this long story about how this singing woman is really a transvestite who has peed on the seat on purpose. she then flushes the toilet and sees that water is sprayed up onto the seat. what would have happened if she had accosted that woman for urinating all over the stall? she didn't have all the information. but we do allow our brains to run wild and the next thing we know, we've attacked someone for something that may or may not have even happened.

always do your best. ummm....just always do your best, with the understanding that your best is going to change moment to moment. i had great parents who understood this very well. my brother and sister and i are all very good at very different things. i consider myself to be the musical one, not so much the intellectual. so when i brought home b's and c's in school, that was great! because i was doing my best. i don't know what would have happened if i had brought home a d. but because i didn't feel pressured to be perfect, i was content with focusing on singing, rather than academics. and i chose to be an okay student. knowing myself, had i had all that pressure, i would have flipped them off and called it a day. but at any given time, whether it was a's or c's, my parents knew that that was what i was capable of at that moment. that doesn't mean there wasn't room for improvement. what it meant was that i was free to be me. and straight a's just wasn't my style. ask anyone who knows me, school was NOT my thing until i was in college. i'm still a little surprised they let me into college sometimes. but i was lucky to choose a field that looked at the entire student and not just your transcripts. a 3.2 average was good enough, because i was super awesome in real life. :)

there is a 5th agreement, but i have yet to read the book. i do remember that it's about learning to listen and to question everything. figure things out for yourself. which, i happen to think is a very good idea for just about every situation.

i think everyone should read this book. so get going!