the few that make it worth it.

i read the obituaries every day.  does this make me weird?  i can't be the only one who does this....

i do this for 2 reasons:

number 1: every now and again, i'll happen upon a couple who had been married for over 60 years and then died within a few days of each other.  it reminds me that we are all connected.  what would it be like to not be able to literally keep living because your loved one has gone? it's romantically tragic. or tragically romantic.  either way, that's some deep shiz right there. 

it reminds me of what life is really about. 

love. connection.

to be in love 60 years ago must have been such a different experience than it is now.  people were truly...committed.  i don't know many couples today with that level of commitment.  divorce wasn't the immediate solution.  i see it a lot with my clients now as well.  when i speak with a someone who is caring for their spouse ("because that's what you do after all these years"), my faith in commitment is renewed. 

*this doesn't mean that i think once someone is married that they should stay that way if they're unhappy.  in many cases, divorce (like marriage) can be a great blessing. suck that poison out people, if that's what you gotta do.

number 2: often, i find someone i know.  i spent 6 years as a practicing therapist. that's actually not that long of a time now that i think about it.  really, the length of time is irrelevant.  i was a therapist. one who had many opportunities to see some pretty great things. i'm often in awe of humans who create big huge giant piles of crap and then proceed to dig their way out of it.  it's pretty cool. the sad part is that sometimes these people die.  i suppose looking at the obits gives me the opportunity to give thanks to those who have taught me so many lessons.

lessons not just in my career, but as a human being.  people suck sometimes, they do really hurtful things. but to take responsibility for that and move on is more powerful than i think we realize.  sometimes a simple apology will do it, other times they have some serious amends to make.  but each time, somehow, it all works out. 

my clients always asked me how i knew it would "work out." 

errrrr.....i don't (i don't know anything more than anyone else).  i just choose have faith and believe that people can change, no matter what they've done (that is, if they want to...). so when someone walked into my office and told me how they created the situation, i always knew that it would work out.  sometimes it hurts a lot and there is a lot of damage and it might be really scary, but it will work out.  everyone can move forward, despite the past. 

things are working out right now. now matter what we're facing. 

tangent.  back on track. obits.

recently, i came across someone i knew professionally. someone who completely changed their life. someone who could spot someone else's bullshit faster than even i could (because that's what a therapist really is: a professional bullshit caller-outer). someone who had made some mistakes (a huge ones) but never denied making them (not in an "anti-social" way, but in a "i really screwed up and i need to make it right" way). someone who played many different roles (parent, child, sibling, employee, client), all beautifully.  someone who chose to do the right thing and to be happy, even though others continually questioned their motives and intentions (this is what happens when you lie a lot: note to self -- don't lie.  it makes life reeeeeeeeealllly hard). someone who finally got it.  so well, that this person doesn't need to be on this earth anymore.

someone who wrote me a thank you note.  a note that i'll cherish even more because i was allowed to watch (wow, that's a little voyeuristic...) the transformation. i get to say, "i was there when they did that!"

because i was.  and it was awesome.