the don has spoken

Forgive others. Forgiveness is the only way to heal your emotional wounds. Forgive those who hurt you not matter what they've done because you don't want to hurt yourself every time you remember what they did.  When you can touch a wound and it doesn't hurt, then you know you have truly forgiven. 

-don Miguel Ruiz

in light of the new year and making resolutions and such, one of my personal resolutions was to let go of guilt, embarrassment, and fear.  i should add more.

to forgive.  to forgive whoever.  those who i think have hurt me, those who i think have made stupid decisions, my apartment building for not having a pool.  you know, the important things. 

and for those of us who love to swim in our suffering, just know that what he says is true. every time we allow ourselves to get angry over something that happened in the past, we do ourselves physical harm.  we make ourselves sick.  

anyone have stress headaches? ME!

anyone get indigestion when they're anxious? ME!

anyone have to get their gall bladder removed because they couldn't express themselves fully? ME!

it does so much damage. 

don't get me wrong.  if you're angry about something, be angry.  but understand the fine line between processing and stewing.  

there's a big difference.  

i had a very good friend about 10 years ago, best friend even, who didn't call me when my dad died.  rude huh? 

i let that eat me up. first off, who doesn't call their best friend when their dad dies (okay, i may not be over it)? really? 

and secondly, were we not that good of friends? this prospect hurt more than anything. not only had i lost my dad, but i feared that this relationship that was very important to me was going away.  and it did, my fears were confirmed.  

but it's okay. i spent a lot of time feeling resentment towards this person.  but this person had moved right along with life.  so there i was, feeling badly, and there was no one to feel bad with me.  i was damaging myself. 

we often do this when we have expectations on other's behavior. if a good friend of mine lost their dad, i'd be there in a second. i don't know if this person was okay with death. i don't' know if this person even knew what to say.  i based my bad feelings all on assumptions.  

and like shannon says, "stop the assumings!!"  

forgive. let go.  you're not hurting the person who hurt you. you're hurting yourself.  sure it's easier said than done, but who said anything was easy?  

the only thing i find to be easy lately, is driving through the mcdonald's for a large diet coke.  easy as pie.